The test

“I'v decided to take the test, wish me with good luck." A A message popped out on the screen when I logged in my MSN.
 
 For a moment, I stared at the screen and got lost in those words.

 Finally, I replied: “ Don’t worry about it. It is a right decision for you! And good luck will with you !” I must have said words like that a thousand times in the last few days. Now these words I wrote, though sincere enough, had the look of pale emptiness. But I don't know who can I say or do that will let Ken feel better. There was a long silence followed, and then Jia logged off.

 Ken is an old friend of mine, but we have kind of drifted apart over these days. She had been trying hard to conceive and had a real hard time about it. In the past three years, she almost tried everything and every method but not succeed! Someting had happened, My pregnancy somehow built up an invisible wall between us. I have tried carefully not to talk too much about my baby and my feelings in order not to ahrm her. But it’s difficult to walk the fine line between reminding her of her problems, and neglecting her by not sharing her with my joys.

 Last month, when she told me that she got pregnant, this good news really made happy and wish for her. We went on and on about how excited to be a mother over the phone with no slightest portent about the dramatic turn of the event that was about to occur.
  But about a week ago, a suddenly bad news came and ruined everything: the result of Ken's torch test was negative and some virus that she carried might be passed to her unborn baby, and to the worse, there is a chance that it might cause the grave deformity.

 The doctor suggested Ken should take a high-risk test, which might cause miscarriage, but the tset need to take to confirm if the baby is OK.

  This shock nearly deprived me of speech. What a nightmare! I wanted to comfort Ken by assuring her that nothing need to be afraid of, but it is everything we are afraid of. We both knew what it would mean to a mother-to-be.

 Why those bad things happened to Ken? not others. A faint cold hand touched my heart. There came a flutter thought: “ Is this a kind of punishment?” At this moment, I knew it was so cruel to think about something like that.  But I couldn’t shake it off and don't know what should I do. Before this pregnancy, Jia gave up three babies because of abortion. When we were young, so ruthless and careless, raising a child seemed to be the last thing we need to do. We had to mortgage to pay, we were still at the beginning of our career, and our marriage has not stabled yet… . In short, we were not ready to have a baby! There are still many things we need to do, there are still many placese we have not gone and we still not want to be so tired at this yong age. I still clearly remembered that the third time Ken decided to take an abortion, some tried to persuade her to change her mind. “It’s too dangerous. You might never be able to have a child again.” said they. “That’s OK with me. I am not suit to be a mother and I never want to have a child with me.” That's Ken's reply. The color ebbed out of her cheeks, but her emotion looks was determined. Several years later, my ears still ringed with her words, however, everything has changed.
 
  I remembered with guilty that at that time I was the one who stood on her beside. At that time, I did not want a child too and think with a child it would be very boring. I never had a way with kids and I had always been felt very uncomfortable around with the small child. After graduating from teh Normal University, I was a teacher in a primary school and teach the first grade, which I quit two month later. During the two month, I saw many spoiled childrem and found it was very hard to deal with them. I swore to myself that I would never have a child of mine. During the first years after I married, my husband didn’t want a child too. But he was totally against abortion, so I was extremely careful.

 I guess I was lucky---I never had an unwanted pregnancy. Sometimes I can’t help but wondering, what would happen if I were not so lucky? Would I just like Ken to give up the God’s gift, then spend the rest of life with regret about it? Now looking at my son’s face, I realize there are so many things I should be thankful.

Everything please be all right!